Motherhood: My Agreements & Disagreements!

When I first started brainstorming and writing this post, I was sitting in a darkened, heated room listening to the “shusher” go onnn…. and….off…shhhhh…..shhhhh…shhhh. Why? You might ask. I was helping my baby learn how to nap in his pack and play by himself. And if you say that I was crazy for doing that, then you probably don’t need to read the rest of this blog post:)

Now, I’m continuing to write this blogpost weeks later in a different room than my napping Baby JoJo. I still hear the shusher go on and off, but I’m not in the same room as my baby anymore. I’m watching him on the monitor, quietly celebrating that he’s sleeping on how own for this morning nap in the pack and play!

I’ve been a mom for 102 days. WHAT!!! These 102 days have been the most rewarding, challenging, precious, tiring, and beautiful. I knew I always wanted to be a mom and I thank God everyday that he’s blessed me with this baby. This is where I’m supposed to be. Being a mom. I absolutely love it.

In preparing for motherhood, people would often share their expertise and wisdom with me. I would even go on Instagram accounts and read other blogposts from new moms. I definitely appreciated this as I didn’t know what Joel and I would be getting into LOL. Reflecting, some of the advice I was given or read I definitely agree with now and have carried with me. However, some of the advice I found did not work for us.

So, I wanted to share the little things I’ve learned over these past 102 days to hopefully provide some insight to others. Maybe these ideas will help you prepare as you’re approaching parenthood. Maybe these ideas will make you reminisce as you think back to your early parenting days. Maybe these ideas will frustrate you because you don’t agree with them and that’s not how you did it/remember it/will do it. Maybe these ideas will just be entertaining as you are not a parent yet or don’t have any immediate plans to become one. All in all, I just wanted to share what’s been my heart and offer some hope or understanding❤️

1. “You will do laundry everyday”. I AGREE
   • I laughed out loud at this one. Prior to baby, I had gotten our laundry down to a routine: the weekends! We would have 2-3 loads divided by the temperature of water needed to clean. I was thinking, if my husband and I are able to last with laundry once a week and we are adults… how could ONE little tiny baby make me do laundry every day?! I mean I understand if you have a family and/or your children are older and bigger in size, but a newborn!!! I wasn’t convinced. Well, it just took me one day at home to realize how much I agree with this above statement. From the spit up, to diaper blowouts, to wanting your favorite jammies and swaddles cleaned for the next day because they make those nighttime routines run smoothly, I was now doing a load of laundry every day. I will say that this lasted about 2 weeks. Once we got more of our favorite swaddles and jammies, AND mostly figured out the whole diaper accident things… we are doing laundry twice a week…unless there’s a SOS lol. Soo future parents out there, get your detergent ready!
2. “Fresh air is good for the baby and you”. I AGREE.
   • I’m not kidding when I say I’ve noticed a change in my baby’s sleeping at night and a change in my attitude when we are able to go on a walk or run errands where he is outside for a stretch of time. It’s VERY easy to feel so cooped up in the house, so a trip outside in the stroller has done us well. I especially like the sunshine! Now, my baby was born in December so we can’t go outside every day–thank you Midwest winters–but we have been able to go out a lot–thank you Midwest winters!! We bundle our babe up in a cute little bear suit, put him in the stroller, and wrap lots of blankets. Now I don’t want to get any scolding or pointed fingers at me, but we’ve taken our baby on a walk when it’s been 27 degrees out. THAT is our threshold though and any colder is too cold. The fresh air combined with the rocking of the stroller has helped him sleep too!! I was told I couldn’t drive the first two weeks, so since I wasn’t going anywhere, I felt very trapped inside. If it wasn’t for those walks–and Joel driving us places–I would’ve gone crazy!!
3. “Don’t take your baby anywhere!!”. I DISAGREE (but respect you if you choose not to)
   • Along the same lines, I would’ve gone crazy if I was just in my house the first couple of months with Baby JoJo, but we took our baby out on the town! Those first two weeks he went to my Mimi’s house for Christmas Eve, my dad’s house for dinner, my aunt’s for New Year’s, and a family party. He’s been to Target more times than any other place LOL. We’ve taken him to our favorite restaurant, to our church services which is an hour round trip, and he’s been on a road trip already! I think it’s done him well that he was exposed to these places and it’s done us well that we are able to do what we used to do: a baby wasn’t stopping us! We have been super safe with all of this and pray each time we go out. We are blessed that nothing has happened and we are all healthy❤️ However, I do want to acknowledge that I respect others’ decisions to not take their baby out or to wait until their baby has shots or is a little bit older. I just wanted to share this disagreement for those who are going to be parents soon or are on the fence about taking their baby out: it’s worked well for us! We always prep: make sure he’s fed, have bottles of milk ready, and pack the diaper bag with an extra pair of clothes.
4. “Your baby will eventually sleep at night. You will sleep too”. I AGREE.
   • A previous colleague of mine texted me this and it wasn’t a moment too soon. It was perfect timing. It had been 4 days at home with our little guy! The first night back from the hospital was a TERRIBLE night’s sleep. I was up every hour…either because I was feeding or just too nervous to not watch our baby on the monitor. Luckily I was able to nap the next day, but that didn’t account for the 1 hour I got that first night. The next 3 days were a mix of good nights and bad. When my colleague texted me though, I had just had a little breakdown because I wasn’t able to go to bed at my usual bedtime. I was feeling overwhelmed with the nighttime feedings and thought I couldn’t do this anymore… however, with that encouragement and God’s strength and comfort…our baby has been sleeping well…and so have I. So if you are a first time parent or just a parent that isn’t getting sleep…you.will.sleep.again. Repeat that each time things are hard. Go into it knowing that lack of sleep will be a problem and you’ll be praising the Lord when you receive an extra hour (or even minute) of sleep each night. Look to your spouse, other family members, or friends for help! I know that some of my family would have raced over to our house in a minute to watch JoJo while I slept if I asked. Sleep can do wonders–so if you’re in the thick of #BabyTeamNoSleep & you’re waiting for a break…text someone from your inner circle and ask them to stay for an afternoon or night.
5. “Don’t ever let your baby fall asleep on you. They will never learn to sleep on their own”. I DISAGREE
   • There are so many books, blogposts, Instagram accounts, and videos that discuss this idea of “sleep training”. Don’t get me wrong, some of the tips have worked for us…but I want to shout this out to the people in the back… DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR CHILD!!! (Especially those first couple of weeks when it is #SurvivalMode as I like to call it lol). You have been chosen to be their parent and you know what’s best for them! Many of those accounts say that your child needs to learn to sleep on their own so you should minimize the contact naps. But for us…this couldn’t be far from the truth! We’ve been cuddling our baby and snuggling with him during the day and he has been sleeping great at night. He knows he’s safe and secure in our arms and that just melts my heart. I will say that we have weened off those contact naps and he is mostly sleeping in his pack and play/crib during the day…however, if a nap isn’t as long or he needs a little help sleeping, I cuddle that babe or put him in a carrier so he can feel close to me. He actually sleeps the longest when it’s a contact nap. AND after a day of work without seeing him, all I want to do is snuggle him so that afternoon nap is contact nap!! All in all, I just want to say…. do what works for you and everything will be ok!!! I cried too much over the first couple of weeks of thinking I was setting up my baby for “failure” with the contact, stroller, car ride, and bouncy naps. I prayed about it so much and felt God telling me “Are you putting your trust/control in what the world says or what I say?”. When I gave up that control, following of others, and just loved on my baby and did what he needed, God definitely blessed us with some sleep. I’m on the other side now to tell you that when we leaned on the Lord and did what was best for our baby (what most people said not to do), our baby has been sleeping long stretches at night!!
6. “Nursing is hard, but a great bonding experience”. I AGREE.
   • I first want to start off by saying that I am so thankful that God has allowed the nursing experience for my baby and I to be smooth sailing. He also has opened up my eyes at how challenging it can be and why others may not decide that this is for them (or are not able to). My baby has been able to latch on well and I haven’t had any terrible pains. I am very much a supporter of nursing–if you are able. It has been such a blessing to bond with my baby and see how God created the human body so miraculously. When I think about how I am making milk for my child, how there are different types of breast milk, and how my body understands when it needs to produce more/less, I am amazed!!! Nursing definitely has shown me how much this little baby depends on me…he relies on me so much and that is so humbling and heartwarming but also very overwhelming and tiring. Prior to introducing a bottle at 3 weeks, I could not go anywhere without him…he needed me! I thought I never was going to be able to go anywhere and be able to sleep again. I felt a LOT of pressure. When we introduced a bottle at 3 weeks, it felt like a load was taken off of me. Now, I could go places and sleep and others would be able to help feed our baby! I do not regret that we waited the 3 weeks (we wanted to ensure that our baby wouldn’t get confused/prefer one option over the other), but I am so glad we did introduce the bottle! Now, I nurse only at night and pump throughout the day. It’s very relieving to know that I can leave my baby and he still will be fed AND that if I’m not feeling like nursing one time or day or night or week…he can take a bottle. Now that he’s sleeping longer stretches at night, nursing is nice to do because I don’t have to prepare anything lol. All and all, the decision is up to you in what you do, but I just wanted to share my opinion and experience!! If you have any questions about pumps, hit me up!! I recently just bought an additional hands-free pump that has worked wonders and made me feel even more free during the day…but still close to my baby at night.
7. “Don’t buy clothes for your baby, others will.”. I AGREE.
   • I could NOT agree more with the above statement!!! When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited to shop for our little babe!! And then when I found out the gender of my baby, I could not wait even more! (Some of you know this, but I knew the gender of my baby and Joel did not. I’m a planner… and stink with surprises LOL. If there is information that I could know, I’ve gotta know it!! Joel on the other hand is a wonderfully traditional man and wanted to wait. ) When people told me not to buy clothes for him, I was like uhhh do you know me?! I even told Joel that he would have to watch my shopping when our baby was born. However, throughout the 9 months, I would tell you that I only bought like 5 outfits of different sizes for our little man. From shower gifts to when he was born to just surprise gifts, my family and friends have so generously supplied our baby’s wardrobe. Even more, we have been gifted hand-me-downs too!! (Shoutout to the Fox & Pappadopoli family!!). So in preparing for your first little babe, do not go overboard on buying clothes as I’m sure you’re going to be getting a lot from others. And if you are buying some clothes, don’t break the bank. We have been reminded at how fast babies/children grow and one week he’s fitting in an outfit and the next week he’s too big!!! Hit up those resale shops or the clearance racks. Between a growing baby, spit-up, blow-outs, and generous family and friends, inexpensive outfits for the win!
8. “Don’t let your baby sleep in a room by themselves”. I DISAGREE
   • Once we bought our baby’s crib, spent a month painting the stencil on his wall, and received our monitor, it was just a given to me that he was going to be sleeping in his own room. To be honest, I didn’t even give it much thought. I just assumed that’s what you do. We have our own room and so will he! However, leading up to his arrival and even at the hospital, I learned that having a baby sleep in a bassinet in your room is a thing! (And I’m not knocking that!! Again, I’m sharing what’s worked best for us). I would say that first night that our baby slept in his own room was hard. I only got one hour of sleep because I kept starring at the monitor and being distracted by his noises. I think he was extra noisy because it was a new space for him and he was so little in his big crib!! However, over time, he became super used to his crib and now even can sleep a stretch of 10.5 hours in there (GO JOJO!!). It’s been nice that he has his own space and we have ours. I’ve compared it to a “work-home” balance lol. His room is for him and we do work in there from feedings to playing to changing diapers. Our room is for us! He’s never left unattended or unwatched. I’m a pretty light sleeper so I wake easily with the monitor and can go in there. Then, Joel also isn’t woken or vice versa if Joel’s doing the night feeding. And now it’s great because we don’t even have to worry about the bassinet to crib transition OR the transition to our baby sleeping in his own room—we already did that! A plus is that we saved some money since we only purchased a crib. So, if your a first time parent and on the edge about leaving your baby by themselves in a room… I just wanted to share that you can do it!!
9. “Take as much time off as you can”. I AGREE.
   • Take as much time off as you financially are able to! I’m writing this after already returning to work, reminiscing on that sweet time home with my son 😓 I was blessed to have some extra time off because of Christmas Break, but did not take the full 12 weeks off. When I learned how much money I would not be making, we decided it was best to return back when I am. I do not regret this time at all and I would take more if I could have. It was the most special time snuggling at home with my baby and getting to know him. I’m learning what the #StayAtHomeMomLife is and I LOVE IT. I want more of it and pray that one day I’ll be able to!! But for now, I’ll savor the weekends and the summers with my baby. Not only has this time been great for Mama/Baby time (he’s tooooottttalllyyyy going to be a Mama’s Boy), but it was great for my emotional and physical recovery. I am so blessed to have had the time off that I did, because I could not imagine going back after 2 weeks as Joel did for work. When I went to my 6-week checkup with my doctor, I was amazed at how much my body needed that to somewhat “get back to normal”. So take the time off… if you can… and do not feel guilty whatsoever. As my maternity leave was approaching, I was very anxious returning back to work… I wished I could have taken off longer. One thing for sure is that when I got back to school, God took care of us.
10. “Be slow, patient, and present.”. I AGREE.
    • God had been speaking to me during that time at home. He was gently reminding me in all aspects of my life to go slow and be present. Be slow in my planning, don’t rush around and make a million to-do lists. Be slow and patient in my expectations. Be present when I’m with my boy. There’s only so much time we have together and I don’t want to miss a thing. The days where I left it up to God and tried not to control anything had been some of the BEST DAYS. When I tried to rush around and get things done–clean the house, do laundry, craft, run errands, XYZ–and don’t because having a newborn is challenging… I felt so defeated! God reminded me that yes, the dishes will get done… go snuggle your boy and do these later. He’s changed my heart to not feel like the house has to be in order when a visitor comes over. He’s helped me be slow and present in learning my baby’s needs and cries. He’s shown me what a beautiful blessing it had been to be at home and that it’s going to go by in the blink of an eye if I do not pay attention. This is something I continue even as I have gone back to work and as my baby grows up. Everything that is supposed to get done will get done in its time. The dishes, laundry, vacuuming, grading, phone calls, appointments, cleaning can wait. But my little guy won’t 🥲
11. “Having a baby will make you experience a love you never knew existed”.I AGREE.
    • How could I have lived my life and how did I before this little baby? Immediately he stole our hearts. Joel and I joked before our baby was born that we’ll be like ummmm, who is this kid? We don’t know you. However, it feels like we’ve known him our whole life. We only knew him for 2 weeks of 2022, but it felt like we knew him the whole year. Our lives and our hearts are forever changed. When Baby JoJo was first born, we loved him. We loved him because he was our child and we had been waiting to meet him. Now, though, we love him because we know him. We love him because he’s our baby and we always will, but we love him because we know him. Every time I look at his face, I just want to squeeze his checks, attack him with kisses, and hug him so tightly. When he notices me and smiles, my heart just melts. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when he giggles, says Mama, and reaches his hands up to me. It makes me feel so loved and important when he chooses me and that he chooses me. I thank God everyday for our Baby JoJo.
    • I didn’t think I could love Joel anymore than I could, but seeing him be a father…MELTS. MY. HEART. He is the best dad. The way he takes care of our baby, leads our family, and took care of me postpartum (and still takes care of me) is amazing. He’s the best teammate and it has been the biggest blessing watching him jump in to this new role. Fatherhood looks great on him and I love him even more that he is the father of my child!! JoJo and Joel are so similar and just share this special bond. Whenever I see Joel with our son, I just marvel at the fact that we created that little guy… and he’s ours. He is part me and part Joel. In seeing Joel become a father over these past 102 days, I am excited and relaxed as I look to our future together. I love this family we are creating and trust the father that Joel is to help provide for and parent our family. High school Claire would have squealed knowing that that boy at her lunch table in January 2013 would become the father of her children!! The BEST dad ever.
    • God has opened my eyes to the love that He has for us now that I have a baby. Our baby is the light of our worlds. I would do anything for him and want to protect him in all ways I can. When he’s sad, I’m sad. When he’s smiley, I am smiley. When he is hurt, I hurt for him and try to make it all better. I will always be there for him no matter what he does and/or if he pushes me away. God opened my eyes in that His love for me is just that… but even greater. God looks at us and loves us unconditionally. He protects us, feels for us, and never leaves our side. It even amazes me that He sent His one and only Son to die for our sins. Looking down at my little son, it just amazes me the love God has for us. JoJo depends on us so much and is a little innocent baby in our eyes. I’ve realized how we depend on God so much and how innocent we are in His eyes when we confess our sins and surrender to Him. How lost JoJo would be without us and how lost I would be without God. I know that JoJo will do things that frustrate me and that he won’t listen to us and make mistakes because he wants to do it his way, but I will still love him and welcome him back with open arms when he asks for forgiveness or runs back to me. THAT is the same for God: I KNOW I make mistakes because I want to do it my way, but God always has His arms wide open!! Thank You for this love Lord & thank You for always being there!

Thank you for reading through this…and now… even more thanks need to be in order. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to my family and friends. I could not have survived those first couple of weeks (and beyond) with the love and support of my family and friends. From the encouraging texts, meal trains, holding our son as I take care of some of my needs, grocery trips, pick-me-ups, babysitting days and nights…thank you, thank you thank you. If you are a first time parent and your loved ones are offering to help… take them up on it. It is the biggest blessing and my family and friends have truly helped me transition into this mama role.

Even more, I would not even be able to do this motherhood thing if it weren’t for God. He has been my source of strength, peace, love, comfort, and guidance through this all. Whenever I think I can’t do it, I ask for His strength and He gives it to me. Whenever I was (and still sometimes am) exhausted from those late night feedings, God gave me the strength I needed, showed me the little blessing of our son, and gave me rest. Whenever I am stressed with all I think I have to accomplish, God reminds me to be slow and to savor the day and the joys that He has brought to it. When I was about to return back to school, God provided for me to make that transition so smooth. In looking to any future parenting decision, I am going to invite God in!! He will show me the way and provide the most perfect way. He has given me the energy and joy to keep on going. I praise God for our blessing of our son. I praise and thank Him each day for always being here for me!! I pray that if you are transitioning into parenthood or even not, that you know the love that God has for you and the spirit He can give you.

XOXO,

Mrs. DeCLAIREing Happiness 💕